Snow is like life...if you get my drift

I watch my feet in case I slip
This snow can be a farce
The moment that you lose your grip
You end up on your arse.

Donald Trump is a beefcake

But only insofar as a beefcake is dripping with money.

Whoever designed the suit of armour must have thought it would be alright on the knight

I recognize the handwriting on all my hate mail

Maybe I've taken this self-loathing a little too far.

Some MP's lack transparency while others you can see right through.

On average, they are a bunch of shysters.

My blog is a massive hit in the Spanish speaking world...

...ever since I recommended it to Juan and Ol.

Climate change. The evidence.

I wandered lonely as a cloud.
Not any more you don't.

I've just fitted a draught excluder to my drinks cabinet

I don't drink beer.

I'm scared. After 5 minutes of Jeremy Kyle I realised just how much I have in common with his guests.

Words fail them. They also fail me.

MY ALLOTMENT MENTALLOT TO ME

Does anyone have a 'patch' to help me get over the addiction?

This summer I made hundreds and thousands!

Nothing goes better with ice-cream.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

Too sedentary a lifestyle. Hence his epithet.
Well, at least he could look back on a 'great autumn'.

I saw three ships

Okay, that's enough naval gazing.

Spring has sprung!

It's about time I got a new bed.

Call yourself a Barber?

What's going on? A Barber not in favour of cuts?
Well, that's the case with Brendan Barber, General Secretary of the TUC, an organisation that reads CUT backwards.
Come on Brendan, you'll soon be telling us to vote for Whigs.

I SWEAR!

Either I have Tourettes or things really DO get my goat.
I'll let you know in a tic.

Who gives two hoots? I do!

Unlike so many drivers, my personality does not transmogrify the moment I get behind the wheel of my car. I'm an intolerant and contemptuous old sod wherever I am.
But I'm working on it.
And so it was that I found myself driving to Broughty Ferry for my mandatory morning coffee when - suddenly and without warning - the car I was following took a sharp right turn.
It was at that point that I blasted my blasted horn.
I was not able to register the complexion on the face of the poor young girl who was the target of my two-note concerto because, in the short time it took for her to turn around, all colour had drained away.
But I would like you to understand that I was acting as a good citizen and a thoughtful road user.
You see, by tooting, it might just be possible that this particular offender reproaches herself on how she approaches junctions in the future. She could save a life. Maybe even her own.
And it was all down to me.
So come on, all those in favour of big hooters, let's all have a peep.

Unfortunate acronyms. No. 4. Bionic Man.

Believe It Or Not I'm Cowardly.

Is Evel Knievel's son the lesser of two evels?

Monsoon season

Could we be returning to the ark ages?
No? Ah.
Just a thought.