My Goat is Missing

Don't upset a lion Whatever else you do It just might bite your head off And then what will you do? Be nice to every lion Just smi...

A Dachshund.

So the barman served me a pumpkin.

The bee is such a complex creature With complexity in every feature. Surely we can do much better Than name it after a single letter.

With every lie, the nose grows longer. Then, on the18th September, the big face-off. Let's cut off our nose to spite our face.

I hold in awe the humble egg. I admire its versatility. I'd even get on my knees to beg If I didn't have the egg's fragil...

A pigeon sat upon my hat It's efforts I had thwarted I'd stuck a plug where the sun don't  shine So the poo of the doo was ab...

I'm prone to getting on my bike, But am not prone when upon it. I then pedal with all my might, Until I'm prone. Doggone it!

The banks are always losing money The country's in a mess Let's have more bank holidays So our debts will then be less.

Were the Ten Commandments the world's first anti inflammatory tablets...or the precise opposite?

Has it ever struck you - the symmetry in a cemetery? Are we really so obsessed with what is on the other 'side'?

...keep quiet about it.

He was staring into the Abess.

Oppose: to sit on the opposition benches in the House of Commons. Repose: to sit on any bench in the House of Lords.

Today I must look through my binoculars the correct way.

I was out standing in the corridor almost every day.

1. rank: a position within a fixed heirarchy. For example, in the Metropolitan Police. 2. rank: having a foul smell. For example, in the Me...

The Member of Parliament to the Murdoch Press to the Metropolitan Police. The permutations are endless. Three in a bed is never healthy. Y...

It was a coma. Not a full stop.

To cut a long story short...

Or maybe that should read 'Eats shoots and departs' as has happened to a number of diners at Lübeck's Kartoffelkeller. The new ...

Bloater (noun) def. : A herring partially dried in smoke. Note: not to be confused with a Blatter although there is certainly something ver...

Had Chris Huhne been better versed in the classics, he would have done well to remember that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. As Ess...

...Stoneham. Three cheers for Lord Stoneham and a further three cheers for parliamentary privilege. This week in the House of Lords, Lord...

There lurks a scintilla of irony that there is no more valuable a 'currency' in the world today than stories about the sexual explo...

I suspect that if you were to Google the phrase "how the mighty have fallen" an image of Dominique Strauss-Kahn might well appear....

It wasn't lack of deference. They had simply left their Caps Lock on.

As the football season draws to a close, it would be well-nigh impossible to exaggerate the difference that three points can make. Just ask...

I ended up with mussels.

Okay, it's a dreadful pun, I admit, but the principle is just the same. David Laws, the disgraced - and disgraceful - former Cabinet Mi...

That's pre-Reformation.

One needn't delve too deeply into any daily newspaper to learn just how easily people screw up their lives. The first story that hit me...

I think I have an idiot allergy.